Dreams Deferred

Im going to have to drop my drawing class. Im so crushed. I feel like a part of me just died.
I just keep picturing myself when I was eight years old and drawing Disney characters. I wanted to be an animator when I grew up. And my parents used to tell me I could do anything I [...]

Ups and down

Its amazing how you can be on top of the world one week, and the next week, R.A. can bring you so far down.
The initial relief I felt from my meds have slowly stopped working and Im in the midst of a hard core flare. The last few of my joints that haven’t been affected [...]

Who says stuff like that?

I had a bit of a setback these past couple of weeks. Both physically and emotionally. I’ve been trying to stay upbeat, but am still a bit down.
The hip pain that I’ve mentioned seems to only get worse and worse. The option of another replacement has even been tentatively put on the table. It’s something [...]

Reflections III

I’ve managed to make it through my entire twenty four year life span without watching What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  Which is odd. What with my obsession with all things Johnny Depp related. I finally watched it a few days ago
Of course I loved  it.
Do you remember the scene where Gilbert wants to introduce his girlfriend [...]

Reflection II

I have serious issues with sharing with people.
And sometimes I get angry and want to blame other people for that, but the truth is that I am the one who doesn’t feel comfortable sharing things.
I am the one who does not like appearing weak. I am the one who hates to cry in front of [...]

Lucky?

I just don’t know what’s going on in my head lately. I keep swinging back and forth between happy and sad.
I know I’m lucky. I say it like a mantra. I’m lucky. I’m lucky. I have amazing friends, and family. I have people who care about me. It could be so much worse. I’m so [...]

Breakdown at the doctor’s office

So, I’ve never actually cried in front of a doctor before now. In fact, a problem of mine is that I always try to downplay my pain to people around me. ( There are only a few people close enough to me that I can actually be honest with)
After the worst night of my life [...]

Rheumatoid Arthritis and Stress

Arthritis and Stress: The Reverse Cause and Effect
People with arthritis must confront the same kinds of stress as everyone else. Additionally, living with chronic arthritis creates another medley of stressful problems. Chronic arthritis adds the stress of pain, fatigue, depression, dependence, altered finances, employment, social life, self-esteem and self-image.
During stressful times, the body [...]

Lack of Insurance

I watched Sicko today. Here’s a summary I found online:
Note to the president: Here’s your chance to lock up Michael Moore. The radically fierce and funny fireball he aims at our health-care system is a flat-out invitation to steal. First, Moore shows us how France, England, Canada and – yikes! – Cuba actually help sick [...]

Im in a funk

Ive spent the past couple days painting an old dressing table my aunt gave me. I’ve been taking it slow. Just a little bit at a time. My brother helped by sanding it first and at the moment its still sitting on my porch half painted. It has this huge round mirror attached. Its pretty. I [...]

Breakdown

I had a complete mental breakdown over a pair of pants today.
Not the pants so much as my inability to get them on.
I couldn’t stand long enough to get them on.
My hand hurts to bad to pull them up.
My ass was too big to get them up over.
So I had a breakdown. I screamed. I [...]

Problems

I want to be positive. More than anything I want to be positive. I want to put on a brave face.
 
But sometimes its so hard. Its so damned hard. Sometimes it is impossible.
 
I just want to be normal. I want to be able to talk to people without getting depressed.
My best friend [...]