Disability- what a nasty word.

a physical or mental handicap, esp. one that prevents a person from living a full, normal life or from holding a gainful job.

I cant even attempt to explain the hell that comes with dealing with applying for Disability. I cant, and I wont even attempt it here. Its something you have to go through to understand.

What do you do when you have no one to depend on. What do you do when you’ve always depended on yourself, and no longer can?

What do you do when you are twenty, broke, and diagnosed with a chronic illness? When you can no longer afford the doctors visits? When you can barely scrape by enough for over priced medicines? When you can only afford the bare minimal in medical care? You get worse. When you cant afford a $200 cortisone shot to the knee(per knee), then you don’t get the shot.

In December of 2005, I lost my apartment and both my jobs. I moved in with an aunt who only charged me $200 a month to rent a room. I couldn’t even afford that soon enough. I sold alot of things. Ebay was my friend. But I still couldn’t even make ends meet. Regular doctors visits were just out of the question. I went three months without seeing a doctor, and without any medications. It was a low low time in my life.

In March of 2006, I found a state program that helps people who are temporarily disabled pay for medical bills and become rehabilitated. Therefore, I finally got to see my first rheumatologist. I was able to have xrays taken for the first time. (After less than a year with R.A. my knee have already lost almost all the cartilage. They were nearly bone on bone) I couldn’t even walk into his office at the time. The nurse told me Dr. T was a great doctor. He would have me running in a week. Needless to say, it did not happen.

Looking back, its odd how much hope I had. I thought Id be back to normal within three months. I had plans of finishing school. This really was just a temporary setback. Temporary. Temporary.

I was able to go to Dr. T for several months. Eventually, the state dropped me from the program because I wasn’t progressing fast enough. And I technically couldn’t be considered for rehabilitation. They didn’t not even bother informing me of this. I found out when a pissed of CVS pharmacist called and said the last dose of medicines I picked up weren’t covered. I eventually got someone to return my call and explain why I was dropped.

I could not afford living with my aunt anymore. She was my moms sister. My aunt has been through alot. She is the only living survivors out of 4 children. My mother died when I was 14, and my aunt and her were very close. I love her too, but unfortunately, she is less than supportive. We all have our faults, but being there was no longer an option. I felt alot of resentment from her and her daughter for every time I needed help. And when I couldn’t afford the rent, I did not feel welcome there any longer.


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