I just cant stop

Oh God, I know everyone is sick of it. I know they’re tired of hearing about it. But I just can’t stop talking about my weight.

They’re sick of it because no one knows what to say. I do not blame them for being sick of it. I’m sick of it for them. But I don’t want them to say anything. I just want to complain. Because I feel so gross. Because I look so different.

My poor brother has come up to visit for a week or so. He is so sweet. But you can tell he dosn’t know what to say. Occassionally when I get mopey he looks over and in a really high pitched voice sings ” you’re beauuutiful, you’re beauuutiful, you’re beauuuutiful to me.” That always makes me smile.

And then of course, I feel so superficial for complaining. So I’ve gained weight. So what if you feel better. I’ve heard that a few too many times. Except, I don’t feel better anymore. I’m not getting around any better than I did pre-prednisone. Im just 65 to 70 pounds heavier. Everytime I stand I feel so heavy. I can feel the difference on my knees. They say that it you lose just ten pounds, it will take 30 pounds of pressure off your knees. So what does gaining seventy pounds do to my knees? Well, whatever it is, I can feel it.

 

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