Vacation

I’m going on my first trip since I became sick.

I’m all sorts of nervous. I wrote an email to another blogger who responded with this post.

http://typeawithra.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/traveling-with-ra-part2/

I’m traveling from Texas to Oregon with my father and new step mom. They are going for a church conference, and thought I could use a break. So they are letting me and my sis tag along. They upgraded to a two bedroom cabin.

I’m not sure what all I will be able to do. I’m taking my wheelchair, so I’ll be able to do much more. But there is a layover in Colorado and I’m nervous about it.

There are alot of things I would like to do. So we’ll see how handicap accessible they are!

-The most exciting part of the trip is that I get so see the Redwood forest.

-And we are taking a trip out to the Roloff farm from Big People Little World. I shall buy a pumpkin. And most likely do nothing with it. 🙂

-I saw a special on the travel channel about the top ten wonders of the west. The Columbia River Gorge is on the list. Its only as couple hours from where we will be.

I really hope I can do everything.

What I’m most worried about is the fact that there wont be anyone there who can give me my shots. I’ll be gone eleven days, so I can’t go that long without it.

I have such an irrational but completely real phobia of needles. If it came down to me giving it to myself or not going, I would still be too scared to do it. I would opt out.

I leave at an ungodly hour on Sunday morning.

Please wish me luck. I don’t want to miss out on anything. I’m very happy to be going.

Lucky?

I just don’t know what’s going on in my head lately. I keep swinging back and forth between happy and sad.

I know I’m lucky. I say it like a mantra. I’m lucky. I’m lucky. I have amazing friends, and family. I have people who care about me. It could be so much worse. I’m so lucky. I’m so lucky.

Why is it that I can’t stay positive? Sometimes I feel so uplifted, so full of life and love and inspiration that I could just bust. And then I always seem to fall back into my a slump.

I don’t want to be like this. It has been my mantra today. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like this.

I want more than this. I want to travel. I want to finish school. I want so much right now and I feel like I’m wasting away. I haven’t accomplished anything for three years now.

This was suppossed to be a setback. Something I could overcome with enough positive thinking and hard work. Right? Isnt that what we are always told? Lovely inspirational stories of people overcoming the odds?

I’m certainly not inspirational.

And now I feel guilty for feeling this way. I AM lucky.