I just don’t know what’s going on in my head lately. I keep swinging back and forth between happy and sad.

I know I’m lucky. I say it like a mantra. I’m lucky. I’m lucky. I have amazing friends, and family. I have people who care about me. It could be so much worse. I’m so lucky. I’m so lucky.

Why is it that I can’t stay positive? Sometimes I feel so uplifted, so full of life and love and inspiration that I could just bust. And then I always seem to fall back into my a slump.

I don’t want to be like this. It has been my mantra today. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like this.

I want more than this. I want to travel. I want to finish school. I want so much right now and I feel like I’m wasting away. I haven’t accomplished anything for three years now.

This was suppossed to be a setback. Something I could overcome with enough positive thinking and hard work. Right? Isnt that what we are always told? Lovely inspirational stories of people overcoming the odds?

I’m certainly not inspirational.

And now I feel guilty for feeling this way. I AM lucky.


2 Responses

  1. don’t feel guilty — it’s hard to place meaning in such a meaningless disease like RA. there are good days, and then there are very, VERY bad days. we ride out each one as best we can, and look forward to the next good day.

    i hope you feel better!

  2. Deep inside you, you are a positive person and even on the bad days, it is there and will win out. Don’t give up. You are lucky. Cathy

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