This one hurt

I really didn’t want to do this, but I need to take a little time to respond to this last comment someone left me.

                   Sorry, but you are wrong. I remember the first time I saw someone suffering with RA. I remember it as  clear as day. It was in Los Angeles 35 years ago. I was taking a report from a lady who had it real bad in both knees. I saw her suffering and it went right to my heart. It was one of the strongest feeling of empathy I had experienced up till that time. It hit me physically and emotionally so hard I was taken aback as though I had been struck. Even thinking of it now I have the same feelings. I am looking for the person who wants to be proactive because you either sit and feeling sorry doing the same things that got you sick in the first place or you take action. I am not talking about going to a doctor and taking medication I am talking about making changes in what you are doing. There is something you are doing or something inside you that brought this on and it has to be undone. Every disease can be cured it is not about the disease it is about the person. 3 kinds of people who cannot be cured are 1 does nothing, 2 likes to be sick, 3 it is their time God is coming. Everyone else can be cured even cracked pots, they just need the information on how.

This is the stuff that you have to put up with if you are sick in the world.  This is the EXACT thing that I have been blogging about for a year now. People who like to tell you all the things you are doing wrong. If you would only do this or that. I’ve had just about all I can stand of it.

This man has taken it upon himself to judge me and my situation. He has made quite a few false assumptions.

Assumption 1: Im not proactive about my disease. I sit and feel sorry for myself.

Assumption 2: I do this while doing the things that got MYSELF sick in the first place.

Assumption 3: There is “something” inside me that I’m not doing right. It’s MY FAULT

Assumption 4: I am one of the following types of people. A)I am doing nothing about my situation B) I actaully ENJOY being sick C) It’s just the way things are because God is coming to get me

Assumption 5: He has magic information on how easily I can be cured.

If I only cared enough, right? So he believes there are magic alternative herbs that with fix everything. Let me guess…. he makes a living selling them, right? He has to make money off it.

He claims he has sympathy for R.A. sufferers. But I think he doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

I am so tired of people like this.

R.A. is a horrifically nasty, brutal, painful disease. But what is MORE hurtful, and MORE painful, and MORE brutal is people like him judging me and people like me. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know anything I’ve been through. And he has no right to boil my entire life and disease down to such a silly silly conclusion.

Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes people get diseases. It isn’t because they are bad people. It isn’t because they wanted it. I feel( not that it actually matters apparently) that bad things sometimes just happen. I personally feel that to think otherwise is a bit self indulgent. And a bit arrogant.

I don’t need to justify myself here.

But for God sake, if you are reading this, try not to do this to anyone else. Trust me, it isn’t helpful.

It’s hurtful and cruel. And you might be sincere and concerned. But it’s not coming off that way. It was like taking a punch to the gut. That there are actually people out there that can think and say such a thing to another human being.

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7 Responses

  1. I’m appalled at the nerve of the man who wrote that to you! He honestly seems to think he is God. What other way would he have the right to make such harsh judgments on others?
    I am so sorry he happened to you. I felt such anger welling up in me as I read your blog. Not one of us with chronic illnesses would turn down a cure. You wrote a great reply.

  2. I believe that you should not take Paul’s comments to heart so much.
    I mentioned in my last comment that I knew someone who followed a similar approach to what Paul advocates and it has worked for him.
    I’ve known John for over fifteen years and have had many discussions about life and his battles (as well my own battles).
    What works for one might not work for all.

    One of the biggest things that has helped me to better manage this disease is the control of how much stress I take on. The more stress that one is surrounded by can have an impact on how the RA is controlled.

    Over the last few months we have had a bit of stress enter our lives through the hospitalization of two elderly family members. All the running to hospital and the other things that one should be doing in support of elderly relatives is starting to take it’s toll on me.

    It is now to the stage that I will (very soon) have to take a break from it all and retire to my favorite recuperation place, the bush.
    I feel so much better for the space and peace that nature has to offer, of coarse I would be taking my camera equipment with me.

    Even taking a break has it’s stressful points to deal with and that arrives by others comments (to me) that I am being greedy or selfish.
    I have an answer to that, bugger of.
    If I do not look after myself, then how the hell can I look after someone else.
    I will do what I can do if I am able, but I will not put myself into the grave if the situation is anything else other than life or death.

    Try not to be hurt by a strangers comments, they are after all, just that, comments.

    Peace be with you.
    Stephen

    • Thank you Stephen.
      I might understand the reasoning behind his approach. But the truth is, I dont share the same beliefs and to be hurtful or shocking about what he says is not going to win anyone over.

      I agree with what you said about stress. I also like to get away from it all and I love photography. It is one one my greatest pleasures in life. I love nature. But I haven’t even been able to do these things for several years now. I havent been able to do many of the things that I love and that bring me happiness. R.A. (and lack of insurance) has taken so much from me, and I feel like I finally have a shot at getting it back.

      And for someone to come along and write something like he did…..it’s beyond hurtful. If it was one comment, one time, it would be one thing. But this type of thinking is prevalent in todays society. To suggest that- (you know I can hardly get this out without crying)- to suggest that I would WANT that? That there is something lacking inside myself? That somehow I wanted this to happen to me? Oh my god, that hurts!

      I have lost SO much time. I have lost SO much from this stupid disease, and I would give ANYthing to be back where I was. I would give ANYthing to be able to get through a SINGLE day without this pain.

      My knees are literally deformed. I cant walk to my CAR without wanting to scream in pain. And for someone to write that about someone else and think that they are being helpful in some way? Writing things like that is inexcusable.

      Thank you for your concern. I’ll get over it and be just fine. I just felt I needed to respond. It wasnt a good approach and if he really wants to help people, then all the power to him. But he needs to find another way of doing it.

      Thank you again.

  3. I’ve had this conversation a couple of times this week. Believe me, if I could lay down my RA and walk away, I would had done it at least 10 minutes ago.

    And I know you would, too. You know what is in your heart and who you are…and that is all that counts. (((hugs)))

  4. Hang in there. We all handle and accept our RA in the way that is right for us as individuals. No one person can be in the same place at the same time or in the same way. We have to follow the path that is right for us. I am sending the best of thoughts to you for the surgery.

  5. As of next week, I will have been dealing with my RA for 30 years. I have really enjoyed reading your blog and seeing how you make each day work for you. RA is definitely not a picnic, and I find that there are way more people out there who think the way that that man does. It really is a shame.
    I am thankful for blogs like yours, which show that people are striving to make their situation better, by the means that work for them.

    I am glad you will get to have the surgeries. My father had one knee replaced last year (he has had 17 knee surgeries between both knees in his life so far) and thinks it is the best thing evar! He now loves to go for long walks and wishes he can get the other knee done.

    Good luck with the surgeries! And remember what Melissa says is key, “You know what is in your heart and who you are…and that is all that counts”

  6. I am sorry. I can hardly believe someone actually said those things “out loud”. I know 100 people who think like that, but they usually roll their eyes, look at the floor, or scoff in some other way. I have even met many medical people with such savage attitudes.

    Sometimes, do you wonder whether they need to have some pain in their own lives before they could get it? Not that we’d wish this on anyone…

    We have to remind ourselves that it is plain ignorance. You are the one dealing with reality. You have no choice. They are in their own world of ignorance. Ignorance is not an excuse for unkindness, but it helps me to remember that they are ignorant.

    I will pray for success for your surgeries. I hope that everyone at the hospital continues to treat you well, as you deserve. Bless you, Kelly

    PS: dittos to Melissa. At least 20 minutes!!!

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