I watched my friends leave tonight to go out. I, like always, stayed behind. Maybe this will be one of the last times that happens.

Nothing has ever been worth the pain that can accompany me when I have to go out. I’ve missed dinners, and holidays, and birthdays, and graduations.  I always make an attempt to join in on my better days, but for the last year or two it has been rare.

Sometimes I think back on all the things I’ve missed and it’s so hard to try and stay positive. My friends have all moved on. They’re graduating college, getting married, moving across country, and just having fun. Im sitting here dreading a trip to the bathroom because those thirty or so steps are going to be excruciating.

I dont care what the risks are. I would give ANYthing to have these new knees. I would literally give anything. To not feel this constant-never-leaves-you pain will be a miracle.

There hasn’t been a single day in the last four years that I haven’t felt it. This surgery is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.


3 Responses

  1. I’m so happy that you found a doctor to do the surgery. I can just imagine that your counting the minutes! 🙂

  2. People who don’t have RA can’t really appreciate the pain that sufferers have to deal with. I’ve had my hip replaced and will be getting a new knee this year, too. It’s wonderful that medicine can do that for us now. Best of luck with your surgeries!

  3. I also think that having my surgeries was a miracle. It really was for me. Thanks for sharing your feelings about this. It is so nice to know there are other people out there who have had similar experiences.

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