Mothers Day 2009

This September it will have been a decade since my mother passed away. Ten years…. I cant believe it’s been so long.

Anyone who has ever lost a loved one can understand me when I say that the pain of losing her is as fresh today as it has ever been. And that sometimes, when I feel like I’m at rock bottom, my heart still cries out that I just want my mother. Her shoulder to cry on and her unconditional love and everything would be ok.

Every mother’s day for the past ten years, I have just hung out at home alone and tried to pretend it was like any other day. But this year, I wanted to write a few words about my mom.

Because she was a wonderful wonderful mother. And I know how much she loved me. That is one thing she never let any of us kids doubt.

She died suddenly when I was fourteen with no warning, and no chance to say goodbye. But thanks to her, I have so many wonderful memories of my childhood.

One of my earliest memories was sitting on the back steps with her, watching the rain, and her singing “Rain Rain go away, little Ashley wants to play”

Or singing in the kitchen as we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

An argument with my best friend when I was eight or nine. She demanded her half of our best friends necklace back. I was devastated. Mom found an old chain in her jewelery box and made a pendant for me.

Her silly nicknames. Ashbe Crispy Crunchy.

When I had my teeth pulled she promised me a leopard beanie baby I had wanted. She looked everywhere in a twenty mile radius, but there weren’t any for sale. A sales lady at one of the stores sold her her own personal one. Mom could make anything happen. Haha.

Summers at the lake. Barbeque and camping in the backyard. Although she always went inside to sleep.

Her love of animals and the passion she felt about any injustice.

We did not have much growing up, but she never let us feel it. She went without alot.

She was just such a strong person. She was so many people’s rock. It wasn’t until after she died that I realized that. Everyone seemed to fall apart without her. And it was years before people started recovering.

I just hope that if I ever do have children, that I can be the kind of mother she was.

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3 Responses

  1. I didn’t realize you had lost your mother. Thanks so much for sharing the beautiful memories of her. 🙂

  2. Thank you for writing what you did about your mom. You were blessed to have such a great mom. You made me cry; I am at the other end from you. My own children range in age from 4 to 19 years old and I want so badly to get well from the RA so I can ive and be here with them and still be a real part of their lives. I used to do everything with them and for them like your mom – and it is hard when I cannot do what I want to for them. i hope you continue to improve. I will pray for you, Kelly

    • Kelly,
      You sound like a great mom. And the things i remember from my mom wasnt what we did without or what she wasnt able to do. It was the love she had for us. And it was all of the little things that meant the most to me. Im sure they know you love them and WANT to do more. Thats all that matters.

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