Dreams Deferred

Im going to have to drop my drawing class. Im so crushed. I feel like a part of me just died.

I just keep picturing myself when I was eight years old and drawing Disney characters. I wanted to be an animator when I grew up. And my parents used to tell me I could do anything I set my mind to. As long as I worked hard enough at it…….

I’ve been waiting four years to get back to classes.

But swollen joints, elbow contractures, and shaky hand are not conducive to achieving this particular dream of mine.

I was just so angry at the world today. I usually have a good outlook on life and my illness. But today I’m angry. Today I’m crushed. Today I am so very very tired of dealing with this illness. I cried a lot today.

I feel like I’ve been robbed.


A Dream Deffered:
Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?


3 Responses

  1. I’m really sorry to hear that you lost something you really wanted to do. I have no words of advice…and if I tried I would just be a hypocrite 🙂

    So I will send you gentle (((hugs))) and peaceful dreams!!

  2. So sorry to hear this! RA has forced many of us to give up things that we enjoy.

    Sending hugs your way.

  3. {{Hugs}}
    I, too, have had to give things up – attending Church services, singing in choir, a career I loved, going places and doing things with children and grandchildren, making Pysanky, cooking, etc. I don’t think there is a single person with a serious chronic illness that hasn’t had to give up dreams and other things, that made their lives full and fulfilling.
    But my RA and Fibromyalgia have made me more aware of the suffering of other people, and more acutely aware of the need to pray more. I thank God for this opportunity to become a better person. I am more aware of how great my husband is, and how caring my children and grandchildren are.
    So, I guess I’m saying that despite all the things I have had to give up, including much of my independence, the things I have received far outweigh them.

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