And here it is. In case anyone was wondering what I find to be the most frustrating part of chronic illness, I’ll tell you. It’s not the pain. It’s not the inability to do the simplest things. It’s not even the feeling of having your life on hold. The single worst thing is the way people treat you. And the worst way people can treat you is to act like its your fault you are sick.
I live in the bible belt. Very few people that I come into contact with in day to day life are not religious. And more often than not, they are very religious. I was raised by a very religious man. And even though my mother was more of a free spirit, my dad took his religion very seriously.
My best friends parents are the most religious people I know. They are also unbelievably wonderful people. They are truly amazing people, and I believe that everything they do they do out of the kindness of their heart. That being said, I have to say that they hurt me very very much. But I’ll talk about that later.
I have been around religious people all my life. I even briefly worked for a gospel station. I didn’t last long. I refuse to do into detail about the things that happened there. Lets just say that I was disgusted.
Now, I don’t want to get into a discussion about my own religious inclinations. Or dis inclinations. I have seen a lot of wonderful things happen in the name of religion. But I have seen alot more bad. A lot more.
If you have ever been around the self-righteously devout then you will know that they always believe they have the answer. There is always a reason for everything. There is always a lesson to be learned from suffering. There is always a way to be delivered from suffering. If you have enough faith, God can do anything, right?
So what if you have been prayed for by every preacher you can? What if those claiming to have healed others in the name of God fail to heal you? Well than there must be something wrong with you. Right? Well that’s what some would believe.
So here are the possibilities.
You either don’t have enough faith yourself. You are keeping you from being healed. ( I get this the most)
You have bad influences in your life. God is punishing you for reading your horoscope, or reading Harry Potter, or something equally silly. ( I also get this alot)
God is punishing you for not attending church.
Or even better, God is doing this because he loves you and by making you completely miserable, he is teaching you life lessons.
It couldn’t be, it just absolutely couldnt be that I just have some really stupid white blood cells. My older brother is autistic, I don’t hear anyone blaming him for it. ( And I better not ever).
The point is that it is hard enough dealing with disease. It makes it so much harder when people think its your own fault. It’s so silly. It’s so completely ridiculous. People are so insensitive.
Even the new age shop I have visited makes the same assumption. The native American holistic healer says the reason he wasn’t able to heal me is because I am not letting go of some inner hurt. And that I don’t really believe he can heal me. The latter is probably true. It’s all so ridiculous. But I guess I shouldn’t have been in there in the first place. Maybe that’s also keeping me from some miraculous healing. Hahaha.